When Dreams Die
Nikk Mager has been pursuing a career in music for eight years. In 2002, he auditioned for the talent show, Pop Stars: The Rivals, which culminated in the creation of one girl band and one boy band. Out of thousands of contestants, Nikk made it into the final ten before getting cut and sent back home to be a club singer between bingo rounds.
The five winners on the girls’ side would form Girls Aloud, the biggest selling UK girl group of the 21st Century. One of them is Cheryl Cole. Six years later after a successful run in Girls Aloud and as a solo artist, Cheryl sits on the judging panel of the X Factor. And Nikk Mager is in the audition room, back where he started.
After his audition, Simon Cowell looks him in the eye and says:
“I think it’s fair to say that the competitions have gone up, and I think you’ve gone down. And you haven’t got it. And I think it’s time to stop chasing this dream now, Nikk, and do something with your life which you’re going to be happy in, where you’re not going to get frustrated, where you’re going to get rejected, cause this has gone on long enough now. And I can tell by that audition, you haven’t got it in your voice, and I don’t think you ever will.”
I’m devastated, and it’s not even me on that stage. We hear stories of Jim Carrey writing the million dollar check or Denzel Washington, or any number of successful people who tell us to chase our dreams like they did, and we will succeed like they did. What we don’t see are the millions of Nikk Magers who spend their lives chasing a dream they never achieve. Through no fault of their own, despite their best efforts and intentions, sometimes it’s just not in the cards.
There are several dreams I’ve held for years that are dying right now. I can’t describe how long I’ve wanted these, or how deeply empty and broken I feel watching them slip through my fingers.
My life isn’t what I want it to be. I’m not who I want to be, where I want to be, or doing what I want to do, and there is no promise that this will change. I know the short answer: “God’s plan is better than mine. He will either fulfill your dreams, or He has something better in store, so trust Him.” But my definition of “better” is often so different from God’s, it renders this point almost meaningless.
Sometimes we don’t get our deepest dreams, and the desire for them never goes away. Sometimes the dots don’t connect when we look back, and we never understand why things happened the way they did.
There is no guarantee that we will like the life we have been given more than the life we want. Sometimes it’s pain and disappointment that’s in the cards. But just because the journey is hard and the destination is different than we had hoped, doesn’t mean we’re on the wrong path.
Phil Vischer said, “The most important thing is not the work I can do for God. The most important thing is to make God the most important thing… When you’re ready to let go of your dreams, your goals for yourself, your twenty year plans, put them on the altar – to kill them and rest only in your relationship with God – then you’re ready to be used by Him.”
God is in control whether we accept it or not. He will have His way, and we will walk the path He’s given. This is the call – to let go of what we want for our lives and accept with open hands whatever God wants for us. To pick up our cross and follow Him with no guarantee that we will like it or see His way as better than ours.
As agonizing as this is, the only other option is to fight indefinitely and in futility for our own dreams and desires. Thirteen years after Simon Cowell told Nikk Mager what he needed to hear, Nikk is still trying to make it in music. And he may spend the rest of his life being frustrated and rejected, chasing a dream that will never make him happy, even if he achieves it.
We have two choices. Neither are pleasant, but one is better.
J.
Feb. 17, 2021