You’re Doing Better than You Think

I haven’t been doing very well lately. I have little to show for my twenty-eight years on earth: my job, social status, accomplishments, and impact are nothing remotely extraordinary. I’m highly sensitive to negative emotion and guided by a deeply pessimistic philosophy. My relationship with God is rocky, and as pathetic as it sounds, I am desperately lonely, having lived all twenty-eight years in unmitigated singleness. 

But I wonder sometimes if I’m doing better than I think. There are millions of people who are slowly killing themselves with drug or alcohol addiction. Others are homeless, in jail, drowning in debt, or middle-aged adolescents whose lives have permanently stalled. There are millions more whose abject poverty, oppressive living conditions, or physical and mental health problems make survival the primary focus of daily life. A good day is determined by whether or not they see the end of it.

To those of us privileged enough to take survival for granted, we consider it a baseline. No one thanks us for being alive, because it’s the bare minimum rather than an accomplishment. But how many of us should be dead by now, either by our own hand or the many near misses? It’s not enough. We need to be healthy, happy, successful, and productive before we call it a good day. 

As our standard of living climbs, so does the baseline. It’s not enough to find work. We want work that is meaningful, enjoyable, flexible, and lucrative. Anything less is a burden rather than a blessing. 

We all have daily struggles with inner demons that go unnoticed by others. Other people don’t have the same struggles with addiction, mental health, spiritual doubt, or whatever it happens to be, so they don’t see bravery. Avoiding the struggle is as easy for them as avoiding a trip to outer space, so we think we are weak; because we have to fight like mad just to climb up to someone else’s baseline. And many days we don’t even make it there. When was the last time someone said they were proud of you just for the daily battle of not succumbing?

We all know the ways in which we are failing, and if we are honest, we know our culpability. Of course we have baggage – false narratives, character flaws, bad habits – that weigh us down. How much are we to blame for the ways in which we are not doing as well as we think we should? Maybe quite a bit. We should take responsibility to overcome our baggage rather than pamper ourselves with excuses for holding onto it.

But considering our vast limitations as weak, short-lived, sinful creatures inhabiting a rock hurtling through space and doing our miserable best to make ourselves and that rock better, perhaps we are doing incredibly well. There is something extraordinary about all the ordinary ways we persevere and overcome, despite everything we are up against. In the face of relentless disappointment, pain, and tragedy, we search for meaning and faith and we carry on even when we don’t find it. 

Maybe this is why after we have gone the distance, God Himself, says to us, “Well done.”* We see how badly we played our part in the Great Symphony, how we missed our cues, played off key, and got distracted by the other musicians. But it’s as if God hears the music and how even our failures speak to a greater beauty than perfection. When our song has been played, He doesn’t criticize, but stands to His feet and applauds.

Maybe with a little more empathy, we could see what He sees in ourselves and each other. And maybe we could offer an encouraging word a little more often along the way. 

J.

*Matthew 25:23