Self-Obsessed
The Beat poets were known to exaggerate their own importance. They wrote long, detailed accounts of their dreams, thoughts, feelings, and experiences as a roadmap for future generations – a testament to how special they were.
Our generation has the same self-obsession, though ours tends to include more pictures of our food. Instagram walls are full of self-portraits and Twitter feeds are cluttered with one’s own opinions. We carefully craft and preserve an image of self as if it matters or has any sort of cosmic significance.
I relate too easily to both this self-interest and the need to share it. I think my thoughts are profound, my personality original, my art sensational, my emotions deep. Everything I do is wrapped in a halo of my own significance, and I am surprised by the comparative lack of interest people take in me.
Self-obsession is an obvious and annoying characteristic in anyone else. We all know that long-winded acquaintance who can talk for an entire evening about his feelings or post paragraphs on Instagram about her mental health journey. These are the sort of people one tries to avoid because they are not involved in mankind, but in Self.
Self is fine so far as it goes. Self-care and health keep us alive, but they are not the purpose we stay alive for. Otherwise, we devolve into self-indulgence, which is ironically unhealthy. We weren’t made to live for ourselves, and life doesn’t work when we try. Introspection is useful for self-knowledge and self-expression is a way to connect with others – to know we are not alone. But if it begins and ends with self, introspection leads to an endless spiral of psychosis. We become lost in our own thoughts and emotions, disconnected from the external world and the small space we fill in it. I would know.
Self-improvement, enneagram tests, life coaching – it all seems so useful in the moment. If it leads to change, growth, health, and love, maybe it is. But it can also be a perpetual labyrinth full of lost souls who think they are finding themselves. I’ve had to learn the difference and stop before I’ve gone too far into the maze.
We are not Beat poets. Turning our eyes inward is useful insofar as it helps us turn our eyes outward. Beyond this, self-involvement is self-destructive.
J.
Aug. 17, 2021